Archive for May, 2010

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His nail biting was getting worse.

May 31, 2010

He might be crazy, or he might just be taking his iron supplements.  Maybe it’s just the ones I’ve taken, but they taste remarkably like framing nails.

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The original space heater.

May 29, 2010

Not much of a drawing.  Not much of a joke.  BUT… I am very proud of that freehand circle.  Please take a second look at it so it will have been worth the four attempts it took me to get it right.

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Insurance cutbacks.

May 28, 2010

My health insurance provider has been making some unfortunate changes (higher premiums etc).  As far as I know they won’t be replacing traditional post-op treatments with band-aids.

Yet.

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Soccer hooligans.

May 27, 2010

I went hooligan fishing on Tuesday with a friend.  It was great.  Beautiful weather, very few people, and lots of fish.

LOTS of fish.  I’m not sure exactly how many fish my friend pulled out, but I think in the end he grabbed a few more than me.  This was impressive since I managed to get 252.

I breaded and panfried about a dozen of them for the family.  The bones are so small that they virtually cooked away.  They tasted fine, but hooligan are a “mushy” fish.  People told me this before I got them, but the idea of “mushy” didn’t bother me.

The reality of “mushy” did bother me (It was similar to breaded and panfried toothpaste).  Ick.

“Mushy” also bothered my family.

I have been informed that the remaining 240 fish are all mine.  Ick.

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Pachelbel’s field cannon.

May 21, 2010

My family is full of talented musicians.  Some are gifted vocally and some with instruments.  Several of them make a successful living from these skills.  They are genuinely talented.

I am not.

In fact, my elementary school music teacher told me I sang like a “three legged cow.”  I don’t think a teacher could get away with this now, but still…

Ouch.

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Long walks sideways on the beach.

May 20, 2010

Keep an eye on his hands – I’m guessing this guy also likes to goose his dates.

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Not-so-easy chair.

May 19, 2010

I like this one.  You might think that I would be happy when I create a cartoon I like.  Unfortunately, this isn’t the case.  Whenever I really like one of my jokes, it just makes me worry that I’ve seen it somewhere before.

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His 2x sense of smell provided no advantages.

May 18, 2010

My scanner decided (for no reason I can discern) to crop the last line of this drawing.  Perhaps the joke is so poor, even my Canon all-in-one tried to edit it.

On the other hand, I posted the perfect pair of glasses for this guy in February (click here to see).

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Yes, you can use too much lighter fluid.

May 17, 2010

Because it is barbeque season, I decided to post the best barbeque sauce recipe in world.  Really!  (It is actually a sauce and a second separate paste, but it is well worth the minimal extra effort.)

Enjoy!

The World’s Best Barbeque Sauce:

  • 2 c. grape soda (yup, grape soda)
  • 2 c. ketchup
  • 1/2 c. apple cider vinegar
  • 1/4 c. yellow mustard
  • 1/4 c. sugar
  • 4 TB black pepper
  • 2 TB Tabasco Sauce
  • 2 TB garlic salt

Simmer until thick (but still thinner than store brand) while stirring constantly.

Brush sauce directly onto the meat as it grills.  After sauce has thickened from heat of the grill, add a mixture of brown sugar and vinegar to the meat.  We have never measured the amounts of brown sugar or vinegar – just make sure it is thick.  You can also just do the sauce alone, but it is quite a bit spicier without the brown sugar and vinegar paste.

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GI Tract Joe: the educational action figure.

May 9, 2010

Kids love fun so they demand nifty toys.  Moms like learning so they demand educational products.  Companies want to make money so they listen to these demands and create “educational” toys and games.

Moms of the world, we love you – but that doesn’t mean we love toys that make us work to play.  Now you know and knowing is half the battle.

Happy Mother’s Day.

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The spirit is weak, but the chin is strong.

May 6, 2010

In comic books the guys with big chins are superheros (think Superman and Batman).  In real life we get Quentin Tarantino.  And let’s be honest, he’s no Superman.

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There was no question, he was a lucky duck.

May 5, 2010

Just in case you can’t tell, that is a 100 dollar bill he is holding.  I know a hundred bucks isn’t worth what it once was, but he would still be the richest duck I’ve ever seen.

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The steroids were having some unexpected side effects.

May 4, 2010

When I was younger, I spent time at a local gym called Family, Fitness, and Fun.  There was one man who worked out at the same that was most definitely a steroid user.  Although he didn’t have horns or fangs, he suffered from regular bouts of “roid rage.”  One day he failed an attempted lift and started spewing every foul word imaginable.  It was so loud and so profane that everyone in the gym froze.

When he had finally finished, my friend loudly said, “FAMILY, fitness, and fun,” emphasizing the word family.  There were some laughs.  And even a few claps.  Obviously, everyone agreed the guy was out of line.

Almost everyone.

Personally, I was more concerned about making fun of the largest, angriest person in the room.

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Washington’s less famous false teeth.

May 2, 2010

I drew a Lincoln picture recently, so it was only fair that Washington got one too.  I saw a picture of his real dentures somewhere once.  Frankly, he would have been better off with the vampire fangs.