Archive for February, 2011

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Never, never, never shave against the grain.

February 28, 2011

The first time I shaved, I swear it felt just like this.

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He decided to upgrade his memory.

February 25, 2011

I often show my older daughter pictures before I post them.  I like to ask her what she sees.  Usually, even from her unique four-year-old perspective, she “gets” the jokes (or at least recognizes that the picture is silly).  Usually, but not always.  When I showed her the drawing above, our conversation ran like this:

Me: What is this?

Her: Is it a guy with a hat?

Me: Hmmmm.  Well, it’s supposed to be something that you think with.

Her: A thinking cap?

Me: Okay… think about something that is inside your head.

Her: Oh!  I know!  Vitamins and minerals!

Me: … um… good guess, but it’s supposed to be a big brain.

Her: I don’t think so.  Maybe it’s a furry hat!

Who said we were supposed to be our own worst critic?  Whoever it was, I’m guessing they didn’t have kids.

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Founding member of the nair club for men.

February 23, 2011

I don’t like shaving.

It must be done daily, it takes too long, nicks and cuts occur far too often, etc, etc, etc.  So why do I shave, you ask?

I really don’t like beards.

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Happy President’s Day!

February 21, 2011

I didn’t have time to scan and upload a new cartoon today – so instead I am posting a few drawings from the past year that have a “presidential” theme.  Happy President’s Day!

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The doctors forgot to mention…

February 18, 2011

Our second child will soon be celebrating her first birthday.  For the first eight months she was a perfect example of an easy baby.  She ate well.  She pooped regularly.  She even slept at night (usually waking only once to feed).

Then everything changed.

By “everything,” I just mean the sleeping.  By “changed,” I mean she just stopped doing it.

Most of us have experienced a sleepless night and the groggy, unfocused consequences of the next day.  Studies show that test subjects subjected to 36 hours without sleep show impaired cognitive abilities and judgement.

Wimps.

My wife and I haven’t slept since mid-November.

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Blackbeard’s lucky plunderwear.

February 16, 2011

I went back and forth with myself about whether to call them “plunderwear” or “plunderpants.”  In the end I think I made the right call.

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The wool sweater was attractive…

February 11, 2011

I like sweaters.  Actually, I like the idea of sweaters.  They are warm, comfortable, and don’t require buttoning or tucking.  There is only one catch.

I look terrible in them.

I don’t look classic (like Mr. Rogers).  Or cool (like Bill Cosby).  I just look frumpy (like the Church Lady).

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The rest of the herd suspected…

February 9, 2011

Both of our girls have been sick this week.  Fevers, coughs, runny noses, sore throats, restless nights, etc…  They look terrible. And yet – they continue to run around the house with twice the energy I can muster in full health.

I need to start working out more.   Or get lazier kids.

Either way.

 

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Bucktoothed vampires lack street cred.

February 7, 2011

The whole high-collar-and-cape-look isn’t helping improve his tough guy image either…

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His average-sized scarf was woefully inadequate

February 4, 2011

Earlier this week, my wife made homemade spaghetti sauce.  It was very good.  When my wife asked how I was enjoying it, I answered, “good.”

“Good” was a woefully inadequate answer.

“Good” did not completely or successfully relate my enjoyment of the dish, nor my appreciation of the time spent wrangling our two small children while the sauce was being made.  Now was the time for sincerity.  Now was the time for heart-felt thanks.  Now was not the time for my follow-up of, “I mean, it’s a personal revelation – in sauce form.”

Inadequacy or overcompensation…  I’m really not sure which is worse.

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He is as tired of winter as everyone else.

February 2, 2011

If Punxsutawney Phil was clever enough, we could always have an early spring.  Happy Groundhog Day!