Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

h1

The new voting machines look familiar.

April 4, 2016

new voting machines

I was going to make few jokes here at the expense of the current presidential candidates, but at this point they honestly don’t need any help.

h1

Things that go “fist bump” in the night.

March 18, 2016

fist bump in the night

I know it’s been a long time since I posted any content on this blog, but my kids are growing up a bit and I find I have (slightly) more time on my hands.

Our youngest child is now three years old.  Unlike many others of his age, he has never resisted his bedtime.  In fact, he has a grand time rushing through an increasingly lengthy string of goodnight sayings to each member of the family.  These currently  include: good night, sleep tight, sweet dreams, night night, I love you, and see you in the morning.

However, the speed at which he rattles these phrases off at makes it sounds more like – “Goodnightsleeptightsweetdreamsnightnightiloveyouseeyouinthemorning!

It is usually the last thing he says before he  closes his door for the final bedtime story and snuggle with his Mom.

However, the other night he opened the door again seconds after closing it.  I waited to see what adorable phrase he was adding to the mix now.

He looked at me with his large ernest eyes and said very quietly, “Our house doesn’t have any ghosts…”

“…anymore.”

The door began to shut again.  Just before it clicked, he cracked it open once more and whispered, “Don’t be scared.

As I said above, I finally have enough time to start posting some new drawings.  Goodness knows I’m not using any of it sleeping anymore.

h1

His nail biting was getting worse.

May 31, 2010

He might be crazy, or he might just be taking his iron supplements.  Maybe it’s just the ones I’ve taken, but they taste remarkably like framing nails.

h1

The original space heater.

May 29, 2010

Not much of a drawing.  Not much of a joke.  BUT… I am very proud of that freehand circle.  Please take a second look at it so it will have been worth the four attempts it took me to get it right.

h1

Insurance cutbacks.

May 28, 2010

My health insurance provider has been making some unfortunate changes (higher premiums etc).  As far as I know they won’t be replacing traditional post-op treatments with band-aids.

Yet.

h1

Soccer hooligans.

May 27, 2010

I went hooligan fishing on Tuesday with a friend.  It was great.  Beautiful weather, very few people, and lots of fish.

LOTS of fish.  I’m not sure exactly how many fish my friend pulled out, but I think in the end he grabbed a few more than me.  This was impressive since I managed to get 252.

I breaded and panfried about a dozen of them for the family.  The bones are so small that they virtually cooked away.  They tasted fine, but hooligan are a “mushy” fish.  People told me this before I got them, but the idea of “mushy” didn’t bother me.

The reality of “mushy” did bother me (It was similar to breaded and panfried toothpaste).  Ick.

“Mushy” also bothered my family.

I have been informed that the remaining 240 fish are all mine.  Ick.

h1

Long walks sideways on the beach.

May 20, 2010

Keep an eye on his hands – I’m guessing this guy also likes to goose his dates.

h1

Not-so-easy chair.

May 19, 2010

I like this one.  You might think that I would be happy when I create a cartoon I like.  Unfortunately, this isn’t the case.  Whenever I really like one of my jokes, it just makes me worry that I’ve seen it somewhere before.

h1

His 2x sense of smell provided no advantages.

May 18, 2010

My scanner decided (for no reason I can discern) to crop the last line of this drawing.  Perhaps the joke is so poor, even my Canon all-in-one tried to edit it.

On the other hand, I posted the perfect pair of glasses for this guy in February (click here to see).

h1

The spirit is weak, but the chin is strong.

May 6, 2010

In comic books the guys with big chins are superheros (think Superman and Batman).  In real life we get Quentin Tarantino.  And let’s be honest, he’s no Superman.

h1

Prescription strength novelty glasses.

April 30, 2010

This started out as a drawing of regular glasses, but somehow just got out of hand.

h1

It was time to get the mole on his cheek removed.

April 29, 2010

A few years ago I had to have a mole removed from my shoulder.  There was a very large man in the waiting room.  Very large.  He was wearing the biggest and dirtiest pair of overalls ever and spitting tobacco juice into a soda can.  Not exactly the ideal waiting room companion.  I tried to avoid eye contact, but he still spoke to me.

He said, “I hate the radio.  That music has too much &@$#ing bad language.”

Seriously.

What do you say to someone who uses foul language to complain about swearing?  I’m not sure because before I could say anything he followed up with…

“I only listen to opera.  It’s way classy.”

Who knew the waiting room would be more painful than the minor surgery I was waiting for.

h1

His fear of public toilets was becoming a critical issue.

April 27, 2010

More than any other cartoon I have posted – this is me.  I am absolutely terrified of public restrooms.

h1

Freedom bread.

April 26, 2010

Remember when french fries and french toast  were renamed “freedom fries” and “freedom toast?”  It seemed silly, but there was actually a precedent.  During World War I we renamed German Measles as “Liberty Measles.”

huh…

I can see wanting to stake a claim on something as tasty as french freedom fries, but wouldn’t it have made more sense to go ahead and blame the Germans for Rubella?

h1

This power tie takes it to the next level.

April 25, 2010

Personally, I don’t wear ties very often.  I only wear them for weddings or funerals.  Odd that these two events are at opposite ends of the social spectrum, but they have the exact same dress code.  Hmmm.

I own two ties.  I actually only ever wear one of them because the other is very ugly.  I should give the ugly one away, but I can’t.  I’m not sure why.  It could be many reasons, but I think it could be because I need the illusion of choice.  Obviously I’ll never really wear the ugly tie, but as long as it is in the closet I could. Especially if I ever wear the really ugly shirt that also lives in the closet.

h1

Let’s put the “party” back into search party.

April 23, 2010

Next time you host a search party, make it an unforgettable one.  And if you added dancing and a live band, who wouldn’t want to be found!

h1

Spring fashions of the far north.

April 21, 2010

It is April 21st and I am still looking at snow in my backyard.  How about you?

h1

Abe Lincoln’s other hat.

April 20, 2010

Abraham Lincoln was a legend.  When I read his writings or speeches, I am amazed at his ability to express grand ideas with simple words.  He stood firm where others would have failed or compromised.  He exemplified the idea that anyone can succeed despite humble circumstances.

BUT he was born and raised in Kentucky.

So… I’m gonna go with my gut and guess he would have loved NASCAR.

h1

As impulse purchases go, it was a doozey.

April 19, 2010

The golf bag I drew is based on my own golf bag.  When I was in college I played quite a bit of golf when weather permitted.  Because my friends and I were poor college students, we couldn’t afford to rent clubs and I was the only person who owned a set (a wonderful present from my parents).  This was a problem.  The local course didn’t allow two players to share a set of clubs let alone a foursome.  Our solution:

We each learned to play with three clubs.

My “set” consisted of the putter, a nine iron, and a five iron.  I actually didn’t do too badly.  The original five iron was broken/replaced by one of my friends early on.  He replaced it with a used $8 five iron.   A used children’s $8 five iron.  A used children’s five iron that was also quite blackened and burned from being used repeatedly as a fire poker. (really)

Nevertheless, I can still hit fairly straight and consistent shots of almost 200 yards with my old, used, child-sized, fire poker.  Too bad it’s the only consistent thing in my golf game.

h1

Raise your heart rate without exercise.

April 18, 2010

I’m not a big fan of soft drinks.  Especially the “colas.”  They are way too sweet for me.  The commercials always show people running or playing basketball and then chugging a Pepsi or Coke or whatever.

Personally, I don’t think my stomach could take that much sugar right after a workout.  It would… rebel.

If you are unlike me, and like soft drinks, then here is a possible benefit you might not have thought of.

You’re welcome.