Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

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Tastes like chicken.

March 21, 2010

Another water color drawing means it must be Sunday again.  My birthday is coming very soon.  In our family, you get to choose dinner on your birthday.  I always choose the same thing… homemade fried chicken.

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Rabbi sideburns and an unsympathetic ear.

March 20, 2010

Sideburns have always been troublesome for me.  I spent several years in college sporting sideburns of various sizes, but they almost always looked lopsided.  I could never get them straight and it hurt my young ego to think I was walking around with crooked sideburns.  I complained about it to my then-future-wife.  She looked me straight in the eyes and told me that my sideburns might look uneven, but they weren’t.

It was my ears that were crooked.

Sadly, this is not a joke.  Even worse, it was true.  My ears are more than a full quarter inch out of alignment. The fact that my face was lopsided was obviously a larger problem than any facial hair issues.  But I found a solution.  I got married.  Now it doesn’t matter what I look like.

Just so you know, that is my attempt at shading in the ear.  It is not wax.

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Contracting every five minutes.

March 19, 2010

My wife and I have been quite busy since the birth of  second daughter two weeks ago.  We were both caught a little off guard, because she decided to arrive fashionably early (at 35 weeks instead of the full 40).  Despite this, she was born at a strong and healthy 7 lbs 1 oz.  If she had patiently waited until her actual due date, she would have emerged on April 4th.

Easter Sunday.

You may wonder what day could be more fitting to share a birthday with than the greatest feast day of the Christian calendar – a day celebrating life, birth, and hope?

Apparently, March 4th.

It might not be Easter Sunday, but it is Senegal National Day! If you live in West Africa you are already impressed.  If you live anywhere else, that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  March 4th is also Benjamin Harrison Day AND National Grammar Day (the latter being informal only).  It USED to be the Presidential Inaguration Day – before it was changed in 1933.

Not satisfied yet?  Well, March 4th is Craig T. Nelson’s Birthday.  Yes, THAT Craig T. Nelson (remember the sitcom Coach).

Oh, wait… his birthday is APRIL 4th…

I guess he’ll share his birthday with Easter this year.

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Polka dots and a thrift store shirt.

March 2, 2010

I am so, so, very sorry for this one.  In case you can’t tell, those are dots wearing lederhosen and funny hats while playing accordions.  I drew it so I must post it.  Keep moving, the next one it better.

I am very frightened of thrift stores.  It’s not the old clothes.  It’s not the velvet paintings or the wooden dishes.

It’s the germs.

I am a “germaphobe.”  I freely admit this.  I am not a tissue-boxes-instead-of-shoes germaphobe of the Howard Hughes variety.  I am just very aware of washing my hands, breathing through my nose, and not touching things that might be horribly dirty and covered with germs (i.e. anything in a thrift store).  It could be that everything is washed before it is put on the racks, but looking at the clothes at our local thrift store – I don’t think so.

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An enormous shrimp and retro stuff.

March 1, 2010

This drawing is in the same vein as the petite elephant posted prior.

Our family’s first cellphone was a Motorola that looked just like this one.  My father commuted an hour each way on a disreputable Alaskan highway.  The cellphone provided everyone some peace of mind when he was an hour or two late due to an accident closing the roads in winter.

It was a fairly early cellphone so it was roughly the same size as the one in the picture above.  I’m sure it was also about as safe as strapping a leaky microwave to the side of one’s head.

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Maybe the broccoli doesn’t like you either.

February 28, 2010

EDIT:  Due to several recent emails regarding broccoli t-shirts, I finally set up something on spreadshirt.com .  I remade the design so that it was more “t-shirt friendly” and I think it actually looks pretty cool.  If you are interested you can check it out at:

http://inkjot.spreadshirt.com/

I always hear people complaining about broccoli.  It seems to be an unpopular vegetable.  Personally, I love broccoli.  I can only assume it loves me too.

 

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Largemouth bass fiddle and the chaos theory.

February 26, 2010

If you are a bass fisherman, I apologize for the inaccurate rendering of the fish.  If you are a bass fiddle player, I apologize for the rendering of the fiddle.  If you don’t like bad puns, you should probably visit a different website.  I can’t apologize for everything.

I think most people are familiar with the Chaos Theory (thank you Jurassic Park).  If you have heard the theory before, the explanation in the drawing will sound very simplistic and somewhat slanted.

If you haven’t, please ignore the previous sentence.

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Dummy bears and restless peg syndrome.

February 25, 2010

I hate gummy bears.  For some reason they hurt my teeth.  Still, they’re not as bad as Skittles.  Skittles make my upper lip sweat.  Yes, really.

Ever see those ads on television for restless leg syndrome?  This is the same- just funnier.

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Negative people and a ladybug.

February 24, 2010

This drawing took at least twice as long to draw as the average.  I finally gave up trying to fill in all the space with my fine-tipped pen and switched to a Sharpie.  It was much quicker, but also much more damaging to my brain because I forgot to open a window.

Ouch.

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The same cartoon twice.

February 23, 2010

As you can see, I drew the same cartoon twice.  They are as close to being exact copies as I can manage without tracing.  I decided to draw it twice because I had just finished the top picture when I thought of a funnier caption (dang it!).

Although these drawing are only small sketches on yellow sticky notes, my limited drawing skills make creating them a laborious process.  In other words it takes time.  With one child and another on the way in a few short weeks, time is something I simply don’t have.  I suppose I could have just photoshopped the images, but……………… I……………… um…………….. (dang it!).

I should have just photoshopped it.

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Overdressed penguins and serial killer bees.

February 22, 2010

He may be overdressed, but he never worries about what to wear.  Recently it came to light at work that I wear the same 5 sets of clothes each week.  I have a Monday outfit, Tuesday outfit, etc… Before you judge how repetitive or strange this might be, know this:

It took 6 months before anyone noticed.

While I have taken some good natured ribbing from coworkers, obviously my weekly wardrobe routine was not as socially awkward as one might have thought.  Besides, Einstein wore the exact same outfit every day.  Obviously, I’m just a borderline genius.

This is my best attempt at a unibomber-ish insect.

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Pigs CAN fly.

February 21, 2010

Another pig-focused drawing.  Unlike most of the other pictures I’ve posted, this one could almost be inspirational.  Almost.

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Baby teeth and asexual reproduction.

February 19, 2010

Everyone knows about the tooth fairy.  When you loose a tooth, you put it under your pillow at night and wake in the morning to find money in it’s place.  When I was young, my teeth were worth a nickel.  It was very exciting every time it occurred.  This week, a six year old told me that he received $10 for his tooth.

$10.

I’m not old.  I’m not even close to old.  Yet, that child’s $10 bill represents a 200 fold increase in tooth value from the time I was young.  I think we can conclude only one thing from this trend.

Forget stocks and bonds – invest in teeth.

Perhaps a career in professional three-legged racing is in his future?

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Bigger is not always better and a petite elephant.

February 18, 2010

Then again, I could be wrong.  Check out the facial hair at the World Beard and Mustache Championships:  http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/

I am a very wise man.

My wife is currently 8 months pregnant.  Even though it has absolutely nothing to do with her, I decided not to show her this drawing.

As I said, I am a very wise man.

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Static electricity super powers and an old man.

February 17, 2010

You must shuffle quite a bit to build up super power levels of static.


It’s not the wrinkles or liver spots that make him old, it’s the combination of a collar shirt under a sweater.

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A loud shirt and the most annoying letter of the alphabet.

February 16, 2010

This is one of my very favorite things to say to people with brightly colored clothes.  Feel free to use this line also.  It is guaranteed to make you laugh.  However, it is not guaranteed to make you friends.

Don’t make me say it again.

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Taekwondo boy and a man who is all ears.

February 15, 2010

He might actually look tough if he weren’t still wearing his little neckerchief.

Yuk, yuk, yuk.

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She was surprisingly light on her feet.

February 15, 2010

My daughter doesn’t often say anything about my drawings, but she thought this one was really neat.  I would be flattered, but three year old girls love anything with tutus and tiaras.

5″ x 7″ ballpoint pen, felt tip marker, and watercolors.

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George Clooney’s eyes and glasses for two noses.

February 13, 2010

I started drawing on sticky notes almost a year ago.  This was one of the first ideas I drew.  I redrew it recently because the original drawing was in ballpoint pen which doesn’t scan as well as the felt-tip pen I used this time around.

Like left-handed scissors, these are very difficult to find.

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Floating eyes and a monkey hairdo.

February 13, 2010

I drew this because I felt like doodling a floating eyeball.  I’m sorry.

After I drew this picture I did a web search for “monkey mohawk.”  The search resulted in nearly half a million hits.  I present this as further proof that the internet is full of mostly nonsense.